19 days & self preservation

19 days will take forever, and they will go by so fast - I will be in Spain!

There are times, like at work today while sorting mail, that I cannot wait - if it didn't cost me any more money, I'd hop on a plane tomorrow. This is something I have wanted to do for a VERY LONG TIME, and I know (and keep getting reminded) that if I don't do it now, I will never do it.

But in these last couple weeks, I've also begun to feel the inevitable return of the feelings that cloud transition.

Whenever I've approached a major life transition (graduating high school/graduating college/moving into an apartment), I always go through this period where I begin to cut myself off from the people I love, or at least start to get a little more edgy around them. It's weird - like a self preservation technique, I somehow think it'll hurt me (and them) less if I begin the cutoff process early.

I really hate it.

I think the thing that's making it a bit easier now, however, is that I know I'll be returning. I think this would be much more difficult (for me) if I knew I'd be gone indefinitely. Whenever I've been telling people "I'm going to Spain", I always follow quickly with "but I'll be back in June!". I try to convince myself that I say this so we don't have to go all "oh-my-gosh-you're-leaving-forever-and-I-have-no-idea-when-I'll-see-you-again", but really, it's for me. It's for me.

new things

I think I'm going to try to restart this thing.

some (unoriginal) thoughts before I procrastinate on getting to bed again. By reading.

1. I love hearing the French people outside my window at night. When I move, I'll miss that.

2. If, at a 4-way stop, you decide to switch lanes right before it's your turn to go, you forfeit your turn. For serious.

3. How soon after a friend's return from their honeymoon can you call them to get together? Carole says I can call them now.

4. This guy is doing his purpose. Thank God.

5. God is good. All the time.

living it!

I had a good discussion yesterday with a good friend about figuring out the right balance between "intellectual talk" that comes about simply as an ego booster ("look, I have an amazing vocabulary and can make my point sound better than yours simply through my use of words") versus "intellectual talk" that is actually meant to get us somewhere...you know, the kind that combines with action?

[We were discussing a section of "Blue Like Jazz", which I highly recommend, and it was the part that talked about the highly intellectual character of students at Reed College...my friend brought up the point that he often dislikes these types of students who seem to want to "talk big" but "act little or not at all". I started at this a bit because Miller's description of Reed College students in the book is much like some of the students I encountered in the Residential College at UM...very intellectually driven, smart, with a focus on solving the social problems of the world]

I still struggle a ridiculous amount with wanting to sound smart with the words I use[I blame about 80% of this on a mix of growing up in Ann Arbor and attending the University of Michigan]. I think, however, that I'm finally arriving at a point in my life where I get sick of hearing words come out of my mouth unless I can actually back them up with action or evidence that it's something I've thought about A TON. My friend challenged me on this point too.

I think, too, that in battling with this arrogance I built a mental wall that has sometimes made it hard for me to listen to the people around me unless they can "match" my vocabulary. Shudder...I certainly am blind and deaf, in need of eyes that see and ears that hear.

wouldn't it be nice?

sometimes, I think it would be nice to be physically sick of email. as in getting naseous at the sight of the Gmail start screen popping up. way too much wasted time spent there.

more later about spring break in England (when I get the 1500+ pictures from my mom, sister and brother :)

para honrar el dia de San Valentin

this is a poem I found posted on the door of someone who lives in my dorm. In honor of Saint Valentine's Day, I'll share it. It was located under a picture of a cartoon character they called "Mexemo". Poem + translation here:

Rosas son rojas
Violetas son azules
Azucar es dulce
Tengo muchas emociones...

"Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
I have a lot of emotions..."

Sorry, it's funnier if you know Spanish...but it makes me laugh every time :)

catherine steiner, tenant

As I wrote to my parents in an email, I am now the proud beneficiary of my first lease offer outside of the UM Housing system. Yayuh. We sign this week.

So, I look forward to being able to invite you all over to 6 1/2 Marshall Ct. beginning next fall. (Isn't the "6 1/2" sweet? I mean, we get a number and a half!) Perhaps the Misses Andrea Bachman, Rachel Proulx and myself will host a housewarming party...look for an invite. It's the cutest little 2nd floor apartment: 3 bedrooms, a nice sunny kitchen, dining and living room space, plus all the little houses in the Court are coordinated in terms of paint color! And rent is fair!
I want to cook for you all (amidst the busy-ness of student teaching, etc.).

It's not furnished: if you're in the Ann Arbor area and you have any furniture (couches, tables) in decent condition that you'd like to give away (or are willing to sell at a college-student-reasonable-price), let me know!

...but wait, there's more!

as if the countdown wasn't enough, we have a great commencement speaker to look forward to!

'U' taps Bill Clinton for April commencement speech

and to think I was thinking about skipping out on all that...
[credit to jopan for the post idea]

countdown!

Not to distract from impending exams, but for those of you UM seniors who will be graduating in April, here's a link to the countdown (they even have seconds!!):

http://alumni.umich.edu/relocation/ReloSenior.php

have fun with yet *another* procrastination tool...

relieved!

I got out of jury duty!

snowfall

ad·vent /ˈædvɛnt/
–noun
1. a coming into place, view, or being; arrival: the advent of the holiday season.
2. arrival that has been awaited (especially of something momentous)

I love the snow. I loved the advent of snow today. As Carole reminded me today, so does my Dad. I always remember when I was younger he would quote the verse in Isaiah (1:18) in which God says "Come now, let us reason together...Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."
I didn't appreciate the verse then as much as I do now...I remember several times mentally rolling my eyes when the first snowfall would come, knowing that the verse would be quoted again as soon as he saw it falling. But, as I get older (ha ha, at the ripe old age of 21), I am glad that he repeated the verse. When I saw the snow falling this morning, the first thing that came to mind was that verse, and how amazing it is that God forgives the deepest, darkest stains. It's pretty neat to be able to see fresh snow as an example of how spotless we've been made because He washed us.
Thanks Dad & Mom (I know you read my blog :), for "training up your children in the way they should go"...we have not departed from it.

In other news, I've been called up for jury duty to begin on December 26th. I'm trying to get out of it since I'm planning on leaving the next day to go to Urbana 2006 in St. Louis, MO (you should go too!). I don't see why I should have a problem getting out of it since a) I'm a student, b) I have plans during that time and c) I don't own a car that I'd be able to drive to Detroit every day (yay not having to pay insurance...yet) Prayers are always good though. It's kind of a stinker. I'd actually really like to sit in on a jury (I think), but this just pretty much isn't the right timing. I've gotten all sorts of suggestions about how to "get myself out" on the day they interview me. My faves?
a) act super-conservative
b) act super-liberal
c) dye your hair bright pink and spike it (thanks Carole); optional nose ring
d) tell 'em you believe anyone charged should be convicted
e) tell 'em you believe anyone charged should be let off the hook
f) don't tell them you're a University of Michigan student

to cell, or not to cell?

In thinking about how to practically apply some not-so-thouroughly-explored thoughts about American society and its emphasis on instant gratification/individualism, as well as reading a superb article by one of my favorites, Lauren Winner, I'm thinking about the possibility of giving up cell phone/ipod/facebook usage for a week (maybe longer?). Completely. I admit I'm overanalyzing here, but...

What I think I might learn:
- to commit myself to being on time (I can't call last minute to say I'll be late)
- to enjoy anticipation/patience
- not to rely on music-listening as an "out" on days when I'm stressed
- (more) authentic ways of connecting with people - not checking up on them through a screen, but face-to-face
- to appreciate silence (I kind of already do, but this is really, really hard to come by in a campus environment)
- to only spend "necessary" time on the computer (I wish I could give up parts of email too)
- to talk to God more
- hopefully much more.

What might be difficult:
- breaking habits
- communicating with people that they can't reach me by cell (will this sound selfish to them?)
- beating procrastination
- not allowing other "screen times" to spill over into what would otherwise be spent as time without cell/ipod/facebook

choice? not for you...

So one off-campus activity that I get to enjoy every other Wednesday is serving dinner at the Delonis Center Community Kitchen - pretty good times (if you ever want to join in, let me know). Last week, while washing chicken breasts in the industrial-sized sink (100 chicken breasts! How many times will I ever be able to do that again?!), I overheard the conversation of a dad/daughter team that happened to be there that night too, standing behind me cutting up squash. I haven't been able to shake it.

Dad: "Huh, that's interesting. You'd think they'd be more thankful about it."
Daughter: "What?"
Dad: "Well, the guy who was there in line for dinner, someone handed him a piece of cake, but he said "No, I don't want that one - I want that one", and kept pointing until he got what he wanted. I mean, you'd think, hey, they're getting a free meal, shouldn't they be more, ya know, humble about it?"
Daughter: "Hmm...yeah."

Confession: when I first started volunteering at the Community Kitchen last year, I felt the exact same way as the Dad above. I was kind of taken aback my first night there when the people standing in line were even offered a choice about which dessert they got (doughnut holes or cherry pie?). My thinking, I regret to say, was much along the same lines: beggars can't be choosers, right?

I'm sorry if this sounds really, really base to anyone reading. I'm talking about a piece of dessert. But really, it's more than that. It's about the attitude that basically is saying "You don't have money. You don't deserve a choice." I'm bothered by the way that this attitude contributes to dehumanization. Money means choice (in a lot of ways, this is true). But to prevent someone from choosing the kind of food that they eat simply because they are not in the same socioeconomic boat that I am runs on the dehumanizing scale. Part of serving at the Community Kitchen is just that: serving! Everyone deserves a decent meal. It may take more time to get everyone served, but giving people a simple choice such as which dessert they choose, or whether they want the chicken or the beef entree, or "no cheese on top of the potatoes, thank you", in a way reaffirms the humanity that our culture strips away from them daily, and [hopefully] humbles those who serve them.

And as far as the expectation that people receiving a free meal should be humble about it? It's like saying "Hey, we're gonna give you a free meal, but first you must verbalize your position in our society - let us know that you're thankful for this meal that we are serving you. That's right...we're serving it to you." No. When you serve, you serve, no matter what the outlook of the people you are serving (the best example being Jesus on the cross - here is the whole world hating him, and yet he dies for them anyway, friends betraying him and all...in fact, it was more than service, it was sacrifice).

Thoughts? Criticisms? All are welcome.

senioritis, round 2

so maybe blogspot took off the last post I put on here that had cute Halloween comics? was that copyright infringement? hmmm...maybe. anyhoo...

So, remember that convenient little disease that swept your high school senior class year after year, and that you, too, caught when you were a senior? News flash: it happens in college too. Senioritis. You got it baby.
I'm not entirely sure that I got over the last bout of it...but it's back!

A small group bible-study member said something that piqued my interest tonight. Kate, who I really hope has a blog somewhere because it would be interesting (skip next paragraph to avoid a tangent...ha ha, that makes it sound like "choose-your-own-adventure" blog...woops, a tangent)

(tangent: I don't like asking people if they have blogs...it's much, much more fun to find them as you're browsing...and also, half of the people I do wish have blogs don't...does anyone else ever run into interesting people and sometimes think "wow, I wish you had a blog because you're: hilarious/intelligent/such an internal thinker/practical/fill in the blank"?)

when we were going through Acts 15 and talking about idols, commented that sometimes people claim wanting to avoid making family or schoolwork (i.e. being a student) an idol in their lives, but what they really end up doing is just making excuses to not spend time with a family they don't get along with that well, or not do as well on their schoolwork as possible (though God has gifted them with brains to be great students). Where, she asked, do we draw the line between making something an idol and making excuses not to do something that God has actually called us to do well? That can be gray sometimes. I think, no, rather, I know that this year I have not been the best student that I could be (it hasn't had a lot of effect on my grades yet, don't worry mom & dad if you still read my blog), and part of it is that there are just a lot of things that I'm seeing as being more important than having a gramatically correct Spanish paper, for example. But have I turned that into an excuse to say it's ok if I don't do my homework and instead spend time with a friend? I hope not. I know that God wants me to spend time with Him and with people, but I also don't think that he gave me intellect that is not to be used. Sure, the way that I'm using it right now is pretty structured, within the classroom setting anyway,

(tangent: my Myers-Briggs personality type, I just found out recently, struggles with structured education...I would much, much rather study things as I want to study them, and delve deeper into the topics that I find interesting, rather than studying the books/materials that my professors choose for me. I'm working with a system that works against my mindset)

but it's also used a lot outside the classroom. Is it fair to say that my studies as a student are not nearly as important as the relationships I develop with those around me? Yes. But is it ever ok to say "sorry, schoolwork trumps relationships tonight" because I have an exam coming up? I don't feel comfortable saying that. And where do the two meet?

Ok...not a lot thought out there. Sorry. Homework (or sleep?) calls...

funnies

it took me a little bit...but I got it...




<--my family does this thing every year where we carve pumpkins...maybe I can do something like this...

randoms...

I like to think a lot (maybe too much?) about what I want to post as I'm walking across campus...and exactly how I want to phrase what I'm writing. Random thoughts:

"cell phones = sometimes another tool for getting ones' self out of things you said you would do...that ability to cancel last minute is perhaps too convenient...and wrong."

"the [ongoing] list of things I'd like to do before leaving ann arbor or before I'm too old:
1) use the self-composting bathroom in the Dana Natural Resources Building...I just heard about it this year, and I've never been in that building
2) get rush tickets for something that you absolutely must wait in line overnight for (i.e. camping in line)
3) while walking past a group of Campus Day prospective students (and their parents) as they are on the Diag hearing about the "no-stepping-on-the-M-before-your-first-bluebook-or-you'll-fail" myth, go up, stomp on it, smile, and walk on."

...that "10 Simple Things" list...

Or rather, life's 10 simplest pleasures which I enjoy - hats off to Kat for the tag.

1. warm apple cider with cinnamon sticks on a cold-ish day
2. finding pants that fit perfectly, especially if they're of the Salvation Army variety
3. hearing the beginning of a song I know all the words to on the radio, accentuated if I'm surrounded by people who happen to know the same song and are in a mood to belt it out loud
4. bonfires and the people that are at them
5. the Johnson-girl laugh (as demonstrated by my mom & aunts)
6. playing some intense Ultimate frisbee and then going for Bubble Tea (or other Ann Arbor commodities)
7. Receiving a letter in the mail from a friend/family member (and being impatient enough to rip it open as I stand at the mailbox)
8. getting a baby to smile
9. catching myself poring over old family photo albums/letters/memoirs/documents when I'm supposed to be doing something else
10. reading an old favorite book

I tag galiatovi, smore_parfait, artiststaresback, Ellieeeeeeeeee, jooohnn, amyshep, lil_tig_babi, sashafoot, anna_carlyon, emm43/emilie : make a list of 10 of your own, and then tag 10 others...and I will be checking up on you all to make sure it's done, so no slackin!

readjusting + random things

so, I'm back stateside. Sorry for all of you I have not contacted since I got back...as I wrote in an email to a friend, it's been a little bit of a shocker this past weekend with a wedding, church and a family get-together, to get used to being around large groups of people that I know fairly well (and who know me fairly well) and who don't speak solely Spanish...but I am glad to see them all again, and I hope to catch up with each of you all soon :)

I might nearly be driving my family nuts with the Latin pop CD's that I'm listening to almost 24/7 (though Becky says she likes them).

Has anyone else been inside the new Biomedical Research Building lately (the new building with one side that's all glass, next to Couzens?) Wow!! So beautiful! It's almost comforting to know that with as much money as I'm paying to go here, that this University can actually use it to construct buildings that are aesthetically pleasing (at least, from the inside...the auditorium part still looks like it contains Pringles from the outside, ha ha).

This is a really hilarious link of videos that my sister sent me - it shows people doing crazy stuff around UM's campus...enjoy! I think that more stuff like this needs to be done...this year, even. It is, after all, senior year, eh?

on coming home

This will probably be the last post I write from this side of the border - 10 weeks can go by much faster than one expects. I think the closer I get to leaving, the more I really miss you all...but there will be much here that I will miss as well. And there will be some re-adjusting that I'm going to have to go through, especially as the summer winds down.
Here's what you might be able to expect:

1. While here, I've gotten used to listening to radio stations that only play Mexican pop...I'm gonna miss that when I come back, so if I pop in a CD that's only in Spanish (and of which the only artists you might have possibly heard of are Shakira and Mana) every once in a while and sing along, please just bear with me - and if you dare, ask me to translate it for you :)

2. I may begin using public transportation a lot more than I used to (which I know some people will be happy about). While here, I've gotten used to riding in large buses with people I don't know, and to be quite honest, I find it a lot more interesting (and relaxing) than driving myself around and getting stressed out about the bad driver in front of me. (Plus, I haven't driven in 2.5 months, so I'm kinda feeling like I'll have to get used to that again anyway).

3. I may wear sweaters when it's 80 degrees outside (trust me...110+ degree heat can really change the way you think about the definition of the word "hot").

4. If you speak Spanish (fluently or otherwise), I might often try and have a conversation with you to keep up my language skills. Conversely, if you don't speak Spanish, I may absent-mindedly speak Spanish in front of you with people who do...please do me the favor of interrupting me and reminding me not to be rude.

5. If you are a U.S. visa-holder, I may (if I feel comfortable) ask you questions about your visa, purely for curiosity's sake...I don't know what they all look like, and now that I am more familiar with how difficult it can be to get one, I am much more curious about your own story about what kind of visa you have and what you had to do to get yours. If you feel at all uncomfortable talking about it, please just tell me so.

6. I may find it difficult to get used to not having a place to buy real taquitos, carne asada, enchiladas or really good salsa on almost every block.

7. I will probably, at some point, begin planning a return trip to the southwest Texas/Mexico area, to visit Nuevo Laredo again, and to go further south to places like Monterrey, Veracruz, Mexico City, Guanajuato...maybe even further into Central America, etc. If you have any interest in joining me for even just a part of that, let me know - it's always better to travel with people.

8. Finally, I have gotten a little used to being "on my own", in a place of my own, and being able to make plans pretty much at the last minute, which has probably only served to increase my independent streak. I might have to go through a little adjusting in terms of planning things out a bit more, as well as getting used to actually having people at home when I get back from the "end" of my day again. It's not that I won't like having people at home (trust me, loneliness has been one of the biggest battles I've had to face while here)...it's really just more that I'll have to get used to it again. In fact, I've been craving having my family there when I walk through the door, and eating dinner together - going through lonely times has taught me a lot about what lonely people appreciate most!

So, there you go. These are just the things I can think of right now that I know will be changes - there will probably be more. I really do miss you all very, very much, and as much as I have truly enjoyed my time here, I am anxious to get home! Thank you to everyone who prayed for me, sent emails, letters, packages, phoned, read the blog, commented on the blog, thought of me when spotting a Mexican consulate in Pennsylvania (ha ha S.W.), etc. God really blessed me through hearing from each one of you!

Much love ~ Cat

"what a difference a bridge makes"

...is what my boss' dad said one time. It's really quite true. While Nuevo Laredo doesn't exactly seem to be "hurting" financially, especially in comparison to other Mexican cities (being on the border helps economically - lots of trading to be donw), there's a lot that changes once you cross that bridge. Think of it as something like "8 mile", but a bit more noticeable (and that`s saying something). Clean streets vs. dirty streets, quasi-accessible sidewalks vs. sidewalks certainly not meant for anyone who can´t walk, 1 or 2 farmacias in the downtown (pharmacies) vs. 1 or 2 farmacias on every block.
Actually, semi-funny story about pharmacies. My boss was telling me that Laredo, in some magazine a couple years ago, got voted as one of the top places to live. One of the factors in determining the best place to live was the percentage of anti-depressant drugs purchased anually within the city (because, of course, a city purchasing less anti-depressants must be happier, right?). What they didn´t take into account, however, is that everyone in Laredo can easily cross the border, stop in at the nearest farmacia, and purchase said anti-depressants over the counter, since Mexican law doesn´t hold them under the prescription-drug category. A nice bit o' money for the farmacia owners too.
I think the most noticeable difference when you cross over to the U.S. side, however, is how spread out things are. Whereas in Mexico (and most of the world I think) houses are really compacted together, with little yard space, you really get to see just how much space Americans use when you cross over. Large plots of land, huge backyards, shopping mall parking lots covering miles and miles of turf, distances that require the use of a car (unless you're savvy about the bus system). There are parts of Nuevo Laredo that are like that too, but they're not exactly part of the city, ya know?

Alrighty, time for a sign off...

flooding in Houston, D.C. and the U.S. Consulate in Nuevo Laredo

*Edit: San Antonio was awesome. If anyone ever wants to roadtrip there, invite me please!*

Ah yes - one of the many joys of living in Nuevo Laredo is getting to see just what it is that I take for granted when living in the States.

Take water pressure, for example. While I got the water temperature problem solved a couple weeks ago (namely, that it was one temperature: cold), last week I got a new lesson in water pressure: when you're living on the second floor of any building (let alone a building in a city where the last thing people are really worrying about is water pressure), it's gonna take more time for the water to get to you.

I learned last Wednesday afternoon that the water reservoir at the consulate had been completely drained for some reason, and so I was prepared for a day (Thursday) without running water. What I was not prepared for was 5 days without running water. Thursday afternoon the reservoir was drained again because something wasn't working right, and so I went Friday without showering as well (actually, I improvised and took an early-morning dip in the pool at the now-vacant Principal Officer's residence down the street...I think I like swimming in the morning). Thankfully I went to San Antonio this weekend and got to shower in a slightly-run-down-but-at-least-it-had-awesome-water-pressure shower in the San Antonio International Hostel (more stories from there later).

I got back Sunday night to discover that water pressure was still not up and running (much to my chagrin, as I now had 3 days worth of dishes stacked in the sink - and I think most of you know how I am with dirty dishes). As I tested the faucets, however, I failed to turn the ones in the bathroom back to the "off" position (I couldn't tell - there was no water coming out whatsoever). Unfortunately, this worked very much against me in that the water pressure came on full blast while I was at work this morning, and while you'd think that water would drain down the sink, the faucet in my bathroom is one of those ornery ones that kind of squirts some water to the side and onto the countertop. Imagine that this goes on for about 3 hours...at full water pressure. I came back at lunch time to discover a semi-flooded bathroom (fortunately someone had turned the sink off - and semi-flooded isn't as bad as it sounds...actually "an eighth-flooded" might be more like it). The worst part is, however, that I live right above the Principal Officer's office in the Consular building, and though people were nice enough not to say anything to me, I went down to check. Sure enough, a couple ceiling tiles had busted through due to flooding...they were already in the process of being cleaned up by the building managers, but it was my fault (well...mine and that ornery sink's fault...and since you can blame things on objects according to Spanish grammar (i.e. "the watch forgot itself to me"), I'm blaming the sink). I think the only reason that sink was turned off was that someone saw that the office was being flooded.
This could only happen to me (laugh, giggle, frown...sigh...ahem).

So, floods abound. Fortunately I only owe the State Department a couple of ceiling tiles.